You know I think I was going about this the wrong way, this blog this life, I always pride my self on telling the truth “Honesty being the best policy”. It never occurred to me that being honest isn’t just what you say when someone asks a question or giving an accurate answer that I get so hung up on. To live honestly is something it requires the individual to bear their soul to another that they care about, it also means not adding false facets onto your personality to make you feel better, more intelligent (in my case).
We all have things that we major on or make minor but I am willing to try to just “be” that word means simply not adding or taking away but just being in that moment. We all know the reasons that we do this you might recognise some of these I know I do. Reasons I can’t just be:
But people will think I am a failure if they knew
If I show them then I will truly be alone
But being me isn’t enough
You see this is the thing-
We all hide
Scared that people won’t like us for who we are because being me just isn’t enough I have to be more but you know what nobody else can be you. We all have a unique signature our personalities and attributes. On the road of life bullying, words passed on by another caused pain and hurt that could not be reconciled and instead of moving on we saw the problem was ourselves thinking that if we added or took away bits of us that we could be stronger.
It’s funny really that I didn’t write this post sooner exactly for the reasons listed above somewhere down the track being me wasn’t enough I despised my vulnerabilities in every way to the point where it made me mentally ill and unstable. At some point I realise that compassion, integrity and trust were not the weaknesses I saw them as and instead could be the building blocks of an honourable person.
While watching David Jay’s Ted Talk and many others I have been looking at how we see and value connection (David Jay is the founder of the AVEN website that has made the term Asexual known worldwide). He mentions in his video that we as a society need to learn how to disentangle a cultural sexuality from connection, not to say that the two can’t go together but if we don’t think the two can be separate then we have a narrow view of connections.
Many types of connections exist friendships, soulmates, romantic relationships and the list goes on and on I sometimes get frustrated with the English language because words can’t describe some of these connections that we have. This may be due to the fact that connections are on a scale. Maybe it is how we view connections as a society might be the issue as I understand we might need to prioritize as we don’t all have a cloning machine but it can also be a dangerous thing too as we too often in our hypersexualized world prioritize these connections over platonic connections.
I guess it all depends on how you see different connections is there such a thing as a soulmate, I can’t help feeling that Ace people may see connections significantly differently for me a friendship and a romantic relationship can almost be equal meaning your less likely to put one down for the other. Another question that Ace people think about is what kind of partner could they have? Because of this societal prioritizing the Ace community is more likely to get overlooked when seeking a romantic but none sexual relationship. I realize that this is not an accurate representation of the whole of society but the media has become the thing that we look at in terms of societal norms or aspirations.
We can combat this with accurate representation and education within our society about how it’s OK not to want to have a sexual relationship platonic relationships can be just as important that we don’t all have to go and have babies and it doesn’t make your any more abnormal than anyone else.
It seems to be obvious but it can elude us even up until mid life crisis stage (then true colours come through) the point is if it is good then why do we spend our whole lives copying those around us trying to be like sheep in a flock? Beats me, I don’t have all the answers but what I do know is at the very old age of 21 I am on a quest to find out who I am testing the boundaries of what is me and what’s societal construct (family included). I will be moving out soon and one of the main things on my mind is “How will I survive alone?” it’s interesting because we do need social contact (some more than others) to survive it’s no exaggeration not just because we will go mad but we need it to thrive.
Loneliness- “Fei’s Dictionary Definition” A quantifiable, measurable and emotional sense that can somewhat be irrational in origin resulting in the individual gaining distance between those that surround creating an island.
Self Identifying – Labels
There are those who seem to think terminology to describe different facets of ones self is damaging and indeed boxing people into a small corner where they can be defined is limited if not warped view of the individual. But labels are something else despite the negative connotations they tell us on a basic level what something is and this primes us for how we interact. I have found self identifying labels to be a positive thing it’s not being part of an elite club or having a badge it’s being part of a group that have something in common, three will never be enough self identifying labels to fit everyone but that is why we create more.
I am not saying that loneliness can be cured by self identifying but it helps to feel a common connection with others, it can be a crippling state of mind that I try to reason with and talk to at time an annoying acquaintance that outstays welcome (in which case sometimes it needs reminding that you have others who are friends and more important).
There are many different types of Asexuality but the definition is:
“Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity”
You could say it’s a spectrum where everyone is on a scale but to be honest that’s how life is generally I mean we’re not all the same. I would be on the lower end of the scale having hardly any desire at all the repulsed end, which actually makes life quite difficult if you take all the sleazy perfume adverts, TV shows and uni talk into account it’s a shame there isn’t a mute button for life. That’s all expected but what isn’t is some of the attitudes I come across here are just a few of them (later I will be making posts to discuss these and why people might say them if your interested use the poll below).
How are you Human?!
Oh, you’ll find a nice guy someday
But won’t you have something missing?
I could go on but I may get into rant mode and nobody want’s that might turn into a lecture. However as you can see these 3 statements/questions have something in common “a lack of understanding” which most minorities experience, I think it’s our duty to help people understand instead of shooting them down (which believe me is my first reaction). Getting angry about how the world sees you doesn’t make them see you any clearer which is why this blog will be focused mainly on the misconceptions of our society.